Beware Of Money Lies
When I give talks about financial wellbeing I sometimes ask the audience this rhetorical question:
“If I could look through your bank statements with you,
would you be proud or ashamed of what you’re doing with your money?”
The look of relief on the audience’s faces is palpable when I say that I’m not going to pick on anyone to find out!
When I was in my 20s, I would have been deeply ashamed to show anyone my bank statements. While I had a reasonable income coming in, my spending was totally out of control, and I wasted my money on far too much fun and wealth sapping activities.
But to the outside work I was doing well. Several holidays a year, an expensive car, nice clothes and lots of socialising. I even hired a nightclub for the evening with a free bar to have an amazing party, just for the hell of it!
I did enjoy my lifestyle at the time, but deep down I knew it was destructive and not good for my long-term wellbeing. But I never expressed my misgivings to anyone. I never told anyone that I had a big overdraft, was juggling several credit cards and trying to repay mortgage arrears.
I was lying not just to others but, more importantly, I was lying to myself.
It’s also human nature to compare yourself to others. Lifestyle and material success looms large in our social media connected world. But thinking everyone else is doing better than you or you should be doing as well as others, particularly when it comes to money, is a fool’s errand.
Are they really living the dream? Or is it a nightmare? And even if it is their dream, why does that matter to you? Their dream isn’t your dream.
And is what other say or convey about their financial situation the truth or a carefully curated lie? If you are telling yourself and other porky pies about money, then everyone else must be as well.
A friend recently explained to me that, during a recent session with a money coach, she expressed disappointment with her net worth and overall financial position. She felt that she should have built more wealth than she had by her age (she was only in her late 30s). My friend felt this way because several of her peers seemed to have more financial wealth than her, despite not working harder or being more intelligent than her.
The money coach challenged this view by making the point that my friend’s values and personal circumstances were different to her peers. For example, my friend had got divorced (thankfully with no children) and had agreed a financial settlement which was very fair (and generous) to her ex-husband. She had also decided to work and earn less to enable her to pursue other skills and interests.
Myth making is everywhere. People don’t want to admit they have made mistakes, missed opportunities, are undisciplined or too lazy to work hard. We want to blame others for our failures, even if we were the cause. And we want to take the credit for all the successes, even if it was down to luck.
People who are insecure and have a poor self-image need the acceptance and recognition of others to validate themselves. Whether it’s spending on materialism, posting pictures on Instagram of exotic holidays, or living in a big house they can’t really afford, people tell themselves and others money lies all the time.
Money lies and deceit is everywhere. Comparing your financial situation to the money lies of others is madness and a recipe for unhappiness. Sadly, we seem to care more about other people’s opinions than our own.
Finding your own money truth will help you to avoid self-loathing, despair and envy. Start today by answering these three questions:
· What’s important to me and what’s the role of money in achieving that?
· What is my current financial reality?
· What could I do to live my desired lifestyle, which is sustainable, reasonable and achievable?
Good luck on finding your money truth. It will be well work the effort.
Warm regards,
Jason